Later this month Beyond Ex-Gay, the organization I co-founded with Christine Bakke will take part in a the Anti-Heterosexism Conference in West Pal Beach, FL. Along with Soulforce, Box Turtle Bulletin, Truth Wins Out, The National Black Justice Coalition and Equality Florida, we will explore the role of heterosexism in society and in particular as a force that compels individuals to “de-gay” themselves through ex-gay ministries and reparative therapy. (Nov 20-22). On Friday the 20th Beyond Ex-Gay will host a day-long Ex-Gay Survivor gathering for survivors and allies.

People will come together from North America, Europe and Australia to meet for a series of workshops and events led by an array of skilled and informed leaders in the work of equality and understanding of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer issues. My friend Angel and Marc from Barcelona will be there after the successful conference we held in Catalonia in May of 2008. They have an exciting announcement to make about the work that has gone on since that historic gathering.

As people finalize their travel plans and work on the finishing touches to their presentations, I head off to the Pacific North West then to Boston. I will not be at the Anti-Heterosexism Conference. I fully support the gathering and the role that Beyond Ex-Gay has in it. I will not attend because in my own work and recovery from ex-gay treatment, I have moved beyond to the place where other concerns and passions fill my life.

Back in 2008 I retired my play, Doin’ Time in the Homo No Mo Halfway House because after five years of presenting it, I felt the play held me back in my artistic and personal growth. To tell the same story night after night caused me to relive those events over and over. I felt a drain. I put the play on DVD and focused on my newer performances, including Transfigurations–Transgressing Gender in the Bible, a play that explores the stories and lives of transgender and gender-variant Bible characters. How refreshing it felt to tell a different story, a new story!

In the past year my work with the Ex-Gay Survivor Movement has included working directly with survivors who contact us through the Beyond Ex-Gay website as well as meeting people on the road as I travel with my performances and a lively lecture I conduct about the Ex-Gay Movement, Gender and Orientation. At various conferences and universities I have presented this talk to help educate people about the ex-gay experience, the many reasons why someone may chose to “de-gay” themselves and how these reasons are directly connected to issues of power and privilege around gender, class, and race.

My role has also shifted to more of a consultant to other activists who have organized actions in the North America as well as in the UK and Eastern Europe. In dealing with the press I have sought to broaden the types of stories that the media covers regarding the Ex-Gay Movement (including the way it affects women–lesbians, wives and mothers.) I have also connected reporters with ex-gay survivors who had not yet publicly shared their experiences.

When I was invited to take part in the Anti-Heterosexism Conference, I experienced a mixture of feelings–enthusiastic along with a flat sort of feeling that I could not immediately identify. In sitting with the feeling during Quaker worship (we sit in silence for up to an hour giving me loads of time to sift through emotions and decisions) I recognized that my passion had moved towards the lives, needs and rights of transgender and gender queer individuals. I also learned that during the same weekend when ex-gay survivors were going to gather in Florida,  a group of transgender, bisexual, queer folks were going to meet for the Transcending Boundaries Conference in Massachusetts.  I knew that although many of my friends planned to attend the event West Palm Beach, dear friends who I see too rarely, I understood that “my leading” as we say in Quaker circles was to attend Transcending Boundaries.

As soon as I made that decision, I understood that by not attending the Anti-Heterosexism Conference, I opened space for other leaders and potential leaders in the Ex-Gay Survivor Movement to step forward and fill the many spots that I have inhabited during previous gatherings. Christine Bakke has been a brilliant speaker and organizer, so I knew she would do a wonderful job at heading up the ex-gay survivor gathering. With Christine,  Dr. Jallen Rix, an ex-gay survivor with a new book coming out in March, will help facilitate the many activities that we have planned for the event. Daniel Gonzales will be on hand to share some of his experience and expertise.  Jacob Wilson will also be there to help with the press conference and other aspects of the gathering. Author and ex-gay survivor Anthony Venn-Brown will come from Australia along with former ex-gay leader Darlene Bogle from California. A new leader from Toronto will attend  as will a scholar from Virgina who has done extensive research into the ex-gay and ex-gay survivor movements. In other words, the gathering is in good hands.

So I head off to Vancouver today where I will be with youth this weekend from the United Church of Canada. (and I get to celebrate my friend Doris’ 40th birthday!) On November 18 I will take part in the Transgender Day of Remembrance in Seattle, then I head to Portland, OR to perform Transfigurations on November 19 at a United Methodist Church pastored by David Weeklely, who recently publicly announced that he is transgender. I also get to enjoy a long car ride with David and his lovely partner Deborah. The evening of the 19th I take the red-eye flight to Boston in order to get to the East Coast in time for Transcending Boundaries.

Click here to read more about my leading to work on transgender issues and concerns.

Click here to read more about what happens in Quaker meetings.

In an on-going series of Jesus Loves You Twitter/Facebook status updates, I thought it was time to compile the most recent offerings. I average about five of these per week, and get plenty of suggestions from folks.  In this most current batch I drew on hymns and praise songs for some of my inspiration. You will also find me playing with various warnings and disclaimers and hear echos from current events including H1N1 flu pandemic and the economy.

Over at Facebook we have had long discussions about certiain ones. Sometimes people get tickled, offended or downright inspired. Some in the series are ironic, some silly, some serious. I will let you decide which is which. Have a read, and let me know which are your favorite. Hey, you can even add your own in the comments section!  Wanna follow me on Twitter to get these as they happen? Check out my Twitter Page.

• Jesus Loves You! Due to reports of widespread gagging, there is a massive recall for the wildly popular “Jesus Inaction Figure”
• Jesus Loves You! Now in striking autumn hues suitable for a festive Thanksgiving display
• Jesus Loves You! Not to be used as a flotation device. Some assembly required
• Jesus Loves You! Child to a teen mother w/ an absent deadbeat dad, he was nearly born out of wedlock & relied on public assistance.
• Jesus Loves You! “Higher, higher, higher, higher, higher, higher. Lift Jesus Higher.” He gets high with a little help from his friends.
• Jesus Loves You! But he can’t afford the restaurants where you eat & feels uncomfortable with the dynamics when you always pay.
• Jesus Loves You! Founder of one of the first GSAs (Gay Straight Alliance)! Creating safe space for outsiders since around 27 CE
• Jesus Loves You! He calls your name of choice & uses the pronouns you prefer. He looks at the heart not a letter on your ID.
• Jesus Loves You! “Leaning, leaning, safe & secure from all alarms…” except for flu pandemic, financial crisis, terrorism, termites…
• Jesus Loves You! “Stand up, stand up for Jesus…” Now sit down for Christ’s sake!
• Jesus Loves You! “Oh for a thousand tongues to sing…” & to taste & to stick out at others & to…
• Jesus Loves You! “There is a fountain filled with blood drawn from Emanuel’s veins…” My personal Lord & bio hazard.
• Jesus Loves You! “I will cling to the old rugged cross & exchange it one day for a crown.” Also known as Religious Bipolar Disorder
• Jesus Loves You! “There’s not a friend like the lowly Jesus. No not one.” Poor, sick, imprisoned–kinda needy, inconvenient.
• Jesus Loves You! “A mighty fortress is our God” Add some throw pillows, window treatments, accent colors–turn your bulwark into a cozy den
• Jesus Loves You! “Blessed assurance Jesus is mine.” Mine, Mine! MINE!!!
• Jesus Loves Me! My proof? I have free wifi access on my flight from Atlanta to Baltimore. So much better than peanuts. Where r the peanuts??
• Jesus Loves You! He walks w/ me & he talks w/ me & he tells me I am his own–my personal Lord & Stalker.
• Jesus Loves You! Now with salvation-packed crystals in the Communion cup–NEW cherry & lemon lime flavors!
• Jesus Loves You! “Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the pew…” Nightmare on the Via Dolorosa coming to theaters soon.
• Jesus Loves You! At times one feels compelled to love the Christ and hate the Christian.
• Jesus Loves You! New Weight Loss Plan! Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. Trips to the altar? 175 (*while weeping)
• Jesus Loves You! Paid for by the Save the Savior Counsel & authorized by the Citizens for an Idiot Free Religion .
• Jesus Loves You! When ur down & troubled & u need some love & care, & nothing is going right, try NEW hypoallergenic, no-tears Jesus!
• Jesus Loves You! “Recreations of his ministry, miracles & triumphs will move your spirit & emotions.” (Jesus in Florida!) http://bit.ly/7wIj
• Jesus Loves You! Flight Warning System detects failures and dangerous flight conditions. Consider emergency protocol escape sequence.
• Jesus Loves You! Rest. Drink plenty of liquids. Avoid alcohol & tobacco. Take medication to relieve the symptoms. Cover your mouth & nose.
• Jesus Loves You! Diving into unknown waters, simply, can be hazardous.
• Jesus Loves You! All sermons r provided 4 information purposes only & do not constitute a legal contract between Jesus & any specific person
• Jesus Loves You! Under no circumstances should these stunts be attempted by anyone other that an experienced stunt professional
• Jesus Loves You! If ur really REALLY good, you might just get a bicycle in the after-life.
• Jesus Loves You! Due to budget cuts, essential services will be drastically reduced.
• Jesus Loves You! I hear his agent is in talks about a possible sequel.
• Jesus Loves You! We regret to inform you that due to an overwhelming response, your item has been placed on back order.
• Jesus Loves You! Makers of the original Apple now present the new all-knowing iGod–loaded w/ Holy Ghost apps & 3 day rechargeable battery.
• Jesus Loves You! The Way, the Truth, and the Life. Ah, but can he tap dance?

These are some of my favorite things!

My Friend Oliver Danni sent a link to a gorgeous article about a four-year-old boy who told his mom he wanted a pink dress, not for playing dress-up, but to wear to school. Sarah Hoffman writes,

At 4, Sam has been expressing his preference for pink for half his life. My husband and I have bought him several pink items that fall in the sort-of-odd-but-socially acceptable range: pink Converse sneakers (hold the rhinestones), pink T-shirts, and—our most risqué to date—a hot pink polo shirt. His grandparents gave him a pair of pink light-up Skechers that he adores. The dress-up box at home overflows with pink tulle, lace, and marabou feathers.

But for public appearances, my husband and I realize that certain things—hair accessories, flowery clothing designs, dresses—are on the other side of a line we haven’t been quite willing to cross, one that sits right between eccentric-but-cute and is-that-a-boy-wearing-that? We have tried to find a comfortable place on the near side of the line where Sam can express himself without inviting ridicule, and we knew that a pink sundress would go beyond that. But it was starting to look as if Sam was no longer happy within the narrow parameters we’d established to protect him.

Read how Sam’s parents navigate their fears and concerns so that they can ultimately affirm their child. Check out The Pink Dress.

Last week I gave a talk at Trinity College in Hartford, CT. Writing for the Trinity Tripod, Katie Marinello wrote an article, Resisting Oppression: Toscano Speaks on Ex-Gay Movement. In the piece Marinello outlines pretty much everything I did in my presentation. It’s like you’re there!

Peterson started his presentation by explaining that it was unique – it was not a lecture and not a performance, but a combination of the two, and he expected lots of participation from the audience. His first task for the audience was to come up with a list of facts, myths, and assumptions about the ex-gay movement, which he typed into a Word document in front of us. The list included everything from ‘It is Religious Based,’ to ‘Being Gay is a Life Choice,’ to ‘It Only Happens in the Bible Belt.’ Toscano then addressed each item on our list. He explained that most ex-gay organizations are Protestant Christian, although there are some Catholic and Jewish organizations, and they can be found in any state except Rhode Island (and he “love[s] Rhode Island for that!”). People who run these organizations, he explained, often are not well-rounded, or well-educated. They absolutely believe that being gay is a choice and that it can be changed. Whether or not these programs work, he explained, depends on your individual definition of success. Some graduates of the various programs no longer identify as homosexual or no longer practice homosexuality, but there are no cases of people actually becoming functioning heterosexuals*, except in the claims of the programs’ leaders.

Read more here.
*Actually I said that no one actually changes their orientation.

Finally, my partner, Glen Retief, knowing of my love for all things Swedish and my chronic affection for God, sent me a link to the following video. In his e-mail to me Glen wrote,

The ABBA composers recently premiered a new musical in New York.  As you’ll see, they’ve grown up since “Honey, honey, touch me baby.”

For many of us who have had to deconstruct our faith and embark on a brave new world post-fundamentalism, this particular song may resonate deeply. Enjoy this poignant and emotive performance from the musical Kristina. (Read review of US production here.)

My friend Tania in the UK posted a link on my Facebook page about PFOX, Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays, and their insistence that ex-gay materials should be placed in public libraries.

According to the local NBC affiliate,

A Chicago-based group called Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays is urging libraries to carry literature about reformed homosexuals.

The national non-profit organization is arguing that the alleged successes of their “gay reversal” movement are not being heard because libraries refuse to carry their books, such as You Don’t Have to Be Gay and A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality.

One has to wonder just what genre those books would fall under, exactly.

I am sure folks can think of a bunch of snarky responses. Acutally It doesn’t fit under any genre and the answer to the “debate” is a no-brainer. These books do not belong in public libraries. We are not talking about a political issue, although PFOX my be politically motivated in part. The ex-gay movement in the form of Exodus and groups like PFOX has inserted itself into various political causes including opposing employment non-discrimination measures in the US and UK as well has fighting against hate crime legislation that would include protections of individuals based on orientation, gender identity and gender expression. Such protections actually would benefit ex-gays who are gender non-conforming or who get harassed for being something other than purely heterosexual.

No, this is not about politics. It is about public health and safety. Those of us who consumed these books for years and bought into the ex-gay theories have suffered much harm. Our families have suffered harm. The damaging results include psychological, emotional and spiritual harm. We have suffered in our personal development, relationships and even in our career paths as we have diverted our lives to please family and friends who love us unconditionally, well except for one condition–we can’t be queer. For many of us we needed years to recover from the “cure.” No child or adult need to be exposed to these dodgy and dangerous teachings.

The APA just issued a LONG report about reparative therapy stating that it doesn’t work and most likely causes harm.

You can read more about the harm of ex-gay theories and treatments and read first-hand accounts of ex-gay survivors over at Beyond Ex-Gay. PFOX, which has very few actual ex-gay gays in its organization, should really rename itself Disgruntled Parents of Happy, Well-Adjusted Gays & Lesbians.

Some of you know about Marvin Bloom from this very blog. Marvin has a long and complicated story. He is a Long Island Jew for Jesus and for some time had lived as an ex-gay, trying desperately to de-gay himself. After many trials and tribulations (including a stint in the Homo No Mo Halfway House) Marvin has been “re-gayed” and is now open about being gay, being Christian and well, being Marvin.  He recently has begun dating a transgender man named Tristian (who is not a Christian) and has shared lots of his experiences on the Trans-Ponder Podcast through his Moments with Marvin. Jayna and Mila, the show’s  hostesses are also brilliant artist and currently are drawing the Transfigurations graphic novel. You can see a sample here.

Last weekend Marvin made a surprise appearance at the TransForm Arizona event in Phoenix. In the following video Marvin gets introduced by his nemesis Elizabeth Jeremiah (of the Elizabeth Jeremiah Global Worldwide Ministries in Jesus) who claims, “Marvin goes around shoving the gay agenda down people’s throats; it always gets my gag reflex!”

Marvin teams up with Joe Stevens, the smoking hot and blistering cool singer from the duo Coyote Grace to sing about that ever elusive BLANK that so many of us desire. I conspired with my Rabbi friend Nina Mandel to come up with the words for Marvin and Joe. Enjoy!

YouTube link here.

I fly off to Indiana today for a week of performances, community connections and no doubt some surprises. First stop is Portland, IN, a small town with a new Gay Straight Alliance at the local high school. The group is sponsoring an event tomorrow night that will feature Christian singer and recently out gay man Ray Boltz. Ray’s ex-wife, Carol, has been a friend for several years now when she first contacted me to say that her husband came out gay. She has spoken out passionately and with dignity about the experience of being the wife of an ex-gay and the process of ending that relationship and moving on. Check out her blog.

Our performance is slated to be protested by some area Christians. Hmm, Christians protesting Christians–so Third Century! But having been someone who struggled with gay ssues for many years, seeing being gay a conflict with my Christian faith, I do understand some of the opposition, the fear and the misinformation. Hopefully some of us can talk together sanely and respectfully. Tim and Cindy, some of the lead organizers have been steadfast straight allies and have engaged many folks in the community for the past few years. This performance is in large part a result of their fine work.

After Portland I have a day or two to just hang, so Indiana friends let’s get together! Then I head to Earlham College on Tuesday for a show on Wednesday–a variety show of sorts. It will be great to be back at this Quaker college (although I think most of the folks are not Quaker). I get to see Jay, a young Friend from my home meeting. Yay! Hopefully I will get to see Oliver Danni and awesome Friend from the Queer Quaker group. ze is someone who has helped me to better understand transgender issues as ze has shared his experience openly. Such a gift.

You can check out my performance schedule to learn about the Indiana appearances and upcoming performances in the Pacific North West and New England.

In this last month I have bopped around the US landing in PA, GA, NC, TN, MD,DC, IL (for a brief layover) and AZ! My body has finally landed home. I expect that like errant luggage, my soul will show up in a day or two just in time for my trip to Indiana starting Friday

Scene from Transfigurations

At the Gay Spirit Visions conference (a spiritual event for male-identified people love men w/out excluding bisexuals) at the opening ceremony we were asked that  since it was the 20th anniversary of the gathering,  each person should think of a word that would describe them 20 years ago and one that describes them today. (22 year old Ryan suggested something like “toddler” for 20 year ago word.) For me words came immediately and stuck while we went from person to person sharing their words. As the talking stick came my way–a delicious phallic number replete with feathers–I said,

20 years ago? Delusional! Today? Mischief.

Yeah, 20 years ago–1989 I was thinking about getting married to a woman. I lived as an ex-gay in New York City trusting God on a daily basis to keep me on the straight and narrow path only to find it to be a slippery slope of confusion, depression and despair.  De-gay myself seemed a noble course at the time and my only option. I deluded myself (society and in particular church leaders colluded with me or I with them) to believe that change from gay to straight was possible and most necessary or else all hell would break loose in my life. Over 10 years later I came to my senses and began to embrace reality and subsequently mental,  emotional and spiritual health.

To recover from years of church-sanctioned psychological torture, I came face to face with various taboos. I remember the first time I took Holy Communion with a group of gay Christians at the Integrity day long retreat in Memphis, TN. I felt certain I sat at the devil’s table and was about to further seal my fate of a life apart from God. I also remember another taboo,  when I intentionally had sex with a guy, my boyfriend at the time, so different from the deluded forays into cruisy parks as an ex-gay when I told myself and others, “Oh, I am just going for a walk in the woodland trails to enjoy the outdoors.” (yeah a regular squirrel searching for nuts!)

In my post-closet life I proclaimed in word and deeds that I rejoiced in the touch of a man and in sharing intimate sexuality with him. I rediscovered my faith and integrated it with the rest of me including my sexual orientation.  I also struggled with finding my way, of developing a moral code of conduct when for so many years my keepers insisted to me  over and over that gays could never live moral, self-controlled, responsible lives. I have had to undo lots of damage.

I came out and out day by day but not just gay. I came out as me–an artist, someone passionate about so many things in the world like veganism, feminism, anti-racist work, mystical spirituality in the tradition of the Quakers and the perfect Massaman curry. I came out artist and activist and ally and much more.  And I still come out. Most recently I encountered the sissy boy I had once been that for too long languished bound and gagged in the closet that once held so many of the parts of me that I have since liberated.

This past month has felt like a leg on what one may call The Magical Mischievous Tour. The stage serves as a faery venue where we enter alternate worlds, transform and dive deep into archetypes and in doing so face parts of ourselves suddenly revealed larger than life and tender as baby skin.

Tonight on my long trip across the country I received a message via Facebook from a man who attended the TransForm Arizona event and attended my performance of Transfigurations–Transgressing Gender in the Bible. (See the GREAT photo above taken by Lori!) In his message he admits that he approached my work with caution,

To be honest, I really mostly avoid the Bible at this point in my life. Partly because of years of conservative Christian cultural influence on my life, and because of my personal history around not fitting into the boxes presented to me. So, it took a lot for me to sit through the beginning of the performance, however I was hopeful.

I imagine many folks, both transgender and cisgender (non-trans) approach my work with similar trepidation and doubts. When it comes to issues of sexuality, gender identity, variance and expression, not only have Christian church folks most often gotten it wrong, they aggressively attack sexual minorities and gender outlaws (as Kate Bornstein calls gender “transgressors”). In many ways I set myself up for derision and rejectionj–a non-transgender person doing a play about transgender Bible stories? Yeah, way to offend EVERYONE!

Instead I perceive I live and move in a magical theatrical space. Together my audience and I create a space where we drink deep from an ancient hidden well. The water is sweet and fresh. With the audience’s permission and participation, we create a magical moment. The man who attended Saturday’s performance wrote,

It was silent, but beyond silence. It was magic, but beyond that. It was a sacred and profound moment.

Magic. But mischievous too–this magic serves to undermine, subvert, and  challenge binaries and the religious-inspired war against all that some people declare perverted and wrong.  As performer and engaged audience we expose the perversion and wrongness of that misguided and costly war. With a few scarves I do mischief, well and with a lot of help from my friends both in the audience and the many transgender people who inform the emotional narrative of my piece. Strange how little opposition I get from some of these anti-queer religious folks who spew so much confusion and ugliness. Perhaps they see a gay guy flitting about on stage slathered with make-up, telling jokes, and they assume they have nothing to worry about.Little do they understand the insurrectionary nature of stories.

After a month of Mischief and Magic, I need to dwell in a more mundane place of laundry, bill paying and dust mites. After absorbing so many stories profound, tragic and triumphant, I need to find myself again, and for a time let the magical mischievous sprite rest a bit too.

I write this from over 10,000 feet as I travel to Phoenix for TransForm Arizona, an event that will unite the LGB with the T

My friend Zeke, a cool Quaker in Boston, has spent a lot of time thinking about gender. Perhaps Zeke will share some of the journey at some point, but recently Zeke posted something on Facebook that I asked if I could share here at the blog. It is a Cisgender Privilege Checklist.

I heard the term Cisgender for awhile and had no idea what it meant other than non-transgender. According to Wikipedia,

Cis-” as a prefix of Latin origin, meaning “on the same side [as]” or “on this side [of]“, with several derived usages:

* In chemistry, cis- refers to cis-trans isomerism
* In molecular biology, cis- refers to cis-acting
* In gender studies, cis- refers to cisgender

The funny thing about privilege is that typically the privileged are mostly unaware of their privileges (it’s part of the privilege). The way the world treats them just seems normal until they get to hear other people’s experiences.

No President Left Behind

When I wrote my play The Re-Education of George W. Bush–No President Left Behind!, I interviewed about 20 African-American women in Hartford, CT where I live (well where I keep my stuff). I asked them, “As a white guy, if I woke up as a Black woman tomorrow, how would my life be different?” It served as an excellent way to discover some of the privilege I have as a male who is also white. I then wove the content of their interviews into a monologue by Tex, a white guy from Texas who has to live as a Black woman for a week.

Absurd perhaps but almost always the most well received part of the play as Tex recounts his discoveries of the privileges he has because of his skin color and gender. He realizes that he lives with a curtain shielding his view from many of the inequities in the world around him, and the privileges he enjoys that many of his neighbors do not, and only when something terrible happens, like Hurricane Katrina, does he see firsthand the injustice that some people experience because of their race and class. But as soon as he does, “It’s like a voice comes out of I don’t know where saying, ‘Shh, shh! It’s just a nightmare; go back to sleep.’” Tex decides he is not going back to sleep anymore. Of course it will require him to reeducate himself continually.

Check out Zeke’s list below. For those of us who are not transgender, it can serve as a primer of sorts to some of the many complex and challenging issues transgender people face today. Seeing our privilege can be a stark and painful experience. Sometimes we react with defensiveness or criticism. Proceed with an open mind and a tender heart.

A Cisgender Privilege Checklist

This checklist was developed as resource in relation to Peggy McIntosh’s “White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack.” Much of the source matter comes from: Cisgender Privilege.

Casual Offenses

1. Strangers don’t assume they can ask me what my genitals look like and how I have sex.
2. My validity as a man/woman/human is not based upon how much surgery I’ve had or how accurately other people view my gender.
3. Strangers do not ask me what my “real name” is and then assume that they have a right to call me by that name.
4. People do not disrespect me by purposefully using incorrect pronouns even after they’ve been corrected.
5. If I tell people about my gender, I don’t have to hear “so have you had THE surgery?” or “oh, so you’re REALLY a [incorrect sex or gender]?”
6. I am not expected to explain to friends, family, or strangers what it means to be my gender, how I knew what my gender was, or whether my gender is just a “phase.”

Medical issues

1. I expect that I will be able to access necessary medical care without lying.
2. If I need hormone injections due to an inability to produce them on my own, it will be considered an “obvious” need.
3. If I have them, my desires for various cosmetic surgeries are considered normal.
4. I don’t need to prove how long I have identified as my gender in order to have my health needs taken seriously.
5. I cannot be denied health insurance on the basis of my gender; my health insurance does not specifically exclude me from receiving benefits or treatments available to others because of my gender.
6. The medical establishment does not serve as a “gatekeeper” denying my self-determination of what happens to my body, nor requiring me to undergo extensive psychological evaluation in order to receive basic medical care.
7. I expect that if I am treated inappropriately by a doctor, my concerns will be taken seriously, and I will be able to find another doctor who will treat me appropriately.
8. Treatments which are medically necessary for me are generally covered by insurance.
9. People of my gender are not considered inherently “sneaky” by health/helping professions.
10. I expect that medical professionals competent to treat my conditions exist outside of major cities, and in proportion to the demand for them. I expect no undue delay in access to routine medical services, and for such services to be available throughout the work day/week.
11. I will not be required to have a “gender appropriate” sexual orientation in order to be treated by doctors and mental health providers.
12. I expect that medical care will be crafted to suit my own particular needs. I expect to be able to access treatment A without accessing treatment B, if treatment B will do nothing to advance my particular needs.
13. I do not have to worry that life-saving treatment will be withheld from me due to my gender, nor will all of my medical issues be seen as a product of my gender.

Other’s Perceptions

1. If someone inaccurately genders me, I do not need to be afraid; I can assume it reflects more on them than on me, I can be amused or angry without calling into question what my “true” gender is.
2. I do not have to worry whether my gender will be questioned by others seeing/hearing: pictures from my childhood, my identification or official documents, others’ language used to refer to me, my speaking and singing voice, or any of my body parts.
3. I can expect to be appropriately gendered by others without having to worry about: my clothing, whether I like certain colors or styles, whether I am passive or aggressive, wearing specially designed clothing, or if I’m willing to lose sensation in my genitals and/or chest.
4. I have never had someone tell me what my gender is, regardless of what I say my gender is.  If someone mistakes my gender it will rarely continue to the point of an argument, a simple assertion of my gender will generally be enough to convince the other person.
5. When initiating sex with someone, I do not have to worry that they won’t be able to deal with my parts or that having sex with me will cause my partner to question zir own sexual orientation.
6. Bodies like mine are represented in the media and the arts. It is easily possible for representations of my naked body to pass obscenity restrictions.
7. Others’ appropriate understanding of my gender is not dependent on how rich I am.
8. My gender is acknowledged universally, immediately, and without hesitation.

Safety

1. If I am attacked by a lover, no one will excuse my attacker because ze was “deceived” by my gender.
2. I do not have to worry about whether I will be able to find a bathroom to use or whether I will be safe changing in a locker room.  I can use public showers without fear of being attacked for my genitalia.
3. When engaging in political action, I do not have to worry about the gendered repercussions of being arrested.
4. If I am unable to find clothing that fits me well, I will still feel safe, and recognizable as my gender.
5. I don’t need to be constantly aware of how others perceive my gender.

Government/Bureaucratic issues

1. When there are boxes to check on various forms, my gender will definitely be included.– I do not even need to acknowledge that there are other genders than those listed.
2. I can expect my government-issued identification to accurately represent who I am. – If my identification does not, I expect to be able to remedy this quickly and easily, without added expense, undue delay, arbitrary criteria, or a necessity to present evidence or medical documents.
3. My gender is not dragged into everything that happens to me.  If I am involved in a lawsuit or attempt to access government-services that are not related to my gender, I can assume my gender will not be brought up, if it is, it will generally not be a hindrance.
4. My gender will not make me immediately suspect to those with government sanctioned power (lawyers, judges, police, bureaucrats, etc.).
5. My gender does not make me necessarily unfit to be a parent in the eyes of the law, regardless of what state I’m in.
6. I expect my gender to not unduly affect my ability to travel internationally.
7. I expect access to, and fair treatment within sex segregated facilities such as: homeless shelters, domestic violence shelters, drug rehab programs, prisons, hostels, and dorms.
8. I never have to wonder what to put down on legal or official forms when they ask for “sex” or “gender”.
9. In no country in the world is it illegal to be my gender.

Emotional issues

1. When I express my internal identities in my daily life, I am not considered “mentally ill” by the medical establishment.
2. My experience of gender (or gendered spaces) is not viewed as “baggage” by others of the gender in which I live.
3. I do not have to choose between either invisibility (“passing”) or being consistently “othered” and/or tokenised based on my gender.
4. I am not told that my sexual orientation and gender identity are mutually exclusive.
5. I can attend “women-only” or “male-only” events or groups (if I identify as the gender listed) without fear of being seen as an interloper.
6. I was never forced to wear gender inappropriate clothing in order to “fix” my gender, nor was I refused permission to engage in hobbies or behaviors I was interested in because others did not approve of my gender.
7. Those who wrong me are expected to know that it is hurtful, and are considered blameworthy whether or not they intended to wrong me.
8. I was trained into whatever gender was appropriate for me, and so I am prepared to live in my current gender, without having to go back and learn vital skills I was not taught when I was young.
9. Commonly used terminology that differentiates my gender from other genders/sexes implies that I am normal, and that I have unquestionable right to the gender/sex I identify with.
10. Those who tell jokes about my gender are assumed to be sexist.
11. The sex/gender dichotomy does not have consequences in my life.

Yes, yes, yes, I know I have been negligent in my blogging duties. Just too darn busy at the moment. Let’s see It’s been almost two weeks, and I have been in Selinsgrove, PA (with my honey), Atlanta, GA, Highlands, NC, Nashville, TN, Cookeville, TN, Chattanooga, MD and today I am in Baltimore (Towson State University). Later this week I will be in Washington, DC and then off to Phoenix for the TransForm Arizona event!

I have not been completed out of touch. I have updated Twitter and answered 30% of my e-mails–that’s something, right?

Tonight I will give a talk at Towson State University–Homo No Mo?!? Gender, Orientation and the Ex-Gay Movement.

Interjecting scenes from his one-person comedy Doin’ Time in the Homo No Mo Halfway House—How I Survived the Ex-Gay Movement, along with video clips, personal narrative, and the most current information about the ex-gay movement, Peterson’s interactive and interesting academic presentation leaves his audience enlightened and better equipped to address false claims of the Ex-Gay Movement.

I would like to discuss with the people who come to the talk the reasons why an adult would elect to put herself/himself into an ex-gay program. The myth out there is that the ex-gay movement primarily targets young people who are forced against their will. Although many young people have been negatively affected by the faulty and dangerous ex-gay teachings and treatments, and some have even been forced to received “treatment,” the vast majority of people who have endured ministries and treatments to “de-gay” lesbians, bisexuals and gays have been adults who for the most part have willingly attempted to annihilate their sexual orientation and gender differences. Even some transgender people elected for a time to attend ex-gay programs in order to alter their gender identity and what they viewed as non-conformity. WHY?

I believe there are many reasons why one goes ex-gay, and I outline some of them in the video below. But I would love to hear from more people. Why do you think people would choose to go ex-gay? What are the subtle and not so subtle pressings influencing this decision?

Devin Hamberger from he Towson University daily paper, The Towerlight, interviewed me about my own ex-gay experiences.

The therapy sessions that Toscano attended tried to, according to him, correct sexual desire and transform their patients into gender normative men and women.“The women sat through Mary Kay makeovers and bread baking lessons, while the men played football and learned how to change the oil in [their] cars,” he said.

All his life, Toscano said he saw queer people being verbally and physically attacked, and he feared similar negativity and rejection toward himself. He went to therapy because he heard over and over that he could not be both gay and Christian.

“[I] chose [to be] Christian and decided to destroy anything queer,” he said. Toscano often wondered if he was a Christian struggling with homosexuality, or a homosexual struggling with Christianity.

You can read the whole article here. The talk is tonight at 7:00 PM. Check out my schedule for details for this talk and upcoming presentations in Arizona, Connecticut, Indiana, British Columbia, Washington and Oregon.

Ex-Gay Survivor Daniel Gonzales recently visited his childhood church to reflect on the lessons he learned about sexuality, particularly homosexuality and heterosexism, lessons that led him to try and “de-gay” himself.

In this one Daniel talks about the messages he received about gender conformity and giving into peer pressure.

See Daniel’s ex-gay survivor collage here (designed by Christine Bakke)

Here is an ABC news report on Rev. David Weekley, the United Methodist minister in Portland who after decades of living as a man with a transgender history that he kept private, came out to his congregation as a man who transitioned (female to male) many years before. I will perform at the church he pastors in November His wife Deborah is a real sweetie too!

So many people who hear me talk about the Ex-Gay Movement and my many varied failed attempts to “de-gay” myself think I am making this stuff up–total fiction. Add to it the Evangelical world view,  some evil spirits, generational curses and football clinics–well it sounds downright nutty.

Daniel Gonzales writing for Box Turtle Bulletin, spent time trying to de-gay himself with the assistance of a “therapist” from the sinister sounding organization NARTH (National Association for the Research and Therapy of  Homosexuality). Recently he has been looking into the parallels between ex-gay treatment like one gets at NARTH and elsewhere with the practices of another infamous organization–the Church of Scientology.

He’s included delicious diagrams and videos. Read Part I and Part II of a Clear Comparison: Scientology and Ex-Gay Programs.

NARTH will have their annual conference this year in Southern Florida, and like last year when NARTH met in Denver, Beyond Ex-Gay will be there to counter the misinformation and false promises. Beyond Ex-Gay will facilitate a day-long Ex-Gay Survivor gathering for survivors and allies. It is the kick-off for an event organized by a coalition of social justice groups. As NARTH meets to share their views about just how awful the gays are and their various dodgy methods to bring about change the Anti-Heterosexism Conference will take place down the road in West Palm Beach, FL Nov 20-23.

Here is just a teaser of the work that Jayna and Mila, of the amazing Trans-Ponder Podcast,  have begun on the Transfigurations graphic novel. Transfigurations is a one-person play I wrote and perform about transgender and gender variant Bible characters. Since I premiered it in November 2007, lots of different types of people have enthused about it–Christians, atheists, transgender people, little old ladies in Wales, I mean loads of people.

The play has spawned other projects including a musical that is in the works with the songs and lyrics by the amazing Steve Schalchlin (I know I have been working with him on a project for some time when I can spell his last name correctly the first shot.) A book and a DVD will also be in the works. But the project I am most excited about is the graphic novel.

Jayna and Mila are expert artists who not only display prowess with their drawings. They also tell stories graphically employing humor and movement to evoke tone. Check out their Full Drawn Studios site to get a sense of the tremendous work they do.

So here it is the world premiere of a scene from the Transfigurations graphic novel. This is still in draft form–color and text still will be added. If you have seen the play, see if you can name the character and the action. Oh adn if you beg and say all kinds of nice things, I may put up another page

If you want to see the play for yourself, then you need to get yourself to Phoenix for the TransForm Arizona Conference October 16,17,18. Rumors are swirling that my friend Marvin Bloom will be there (and may do a duet with Joe from Coyote Grace!) Mila and Jayna will also be there. They are so famous now, they may even sign your skin so that you can get a tatoo of it! Check out my full schedule here.