It fell on a Monday this year.
I sometimes see it coming from a distance,
But more recently it catches me off-guard.
In 2001 “Nine Eleven” distracted me from it.
Burning crumbling skyscrapers and red-hot terror alerts put it into perspective.
(Even so, that repeated smoky, fiery, dusty collapse of steel and glass–
twin towers falling upon themselves–
felt strangely familiar.)
I used to soak in it,
I wallowed and grew depressed by it.
I wondered,
Where are you?
Do you remember this day
and
Does it still fill you with Rage
and
Regret?
Today I feel annoyed that you continue to appear in my poems and in my dreams.
I’ve tried to make peace with you,
Banish you,
Understand and
Move on from you.
And I do,
except for those persistent tendrils reaching back
from Me
to You
to Us
to Remembrance and Remorse.
Peterson Toscano's A Musing 
*hugs*
It was a moment ago and such a very long time ago.
It just don’t make sense. (but you do!)
Life happens. It leaves its mark on us. You’re a good man Peterson Toscano…never doubt that.
Hey man, I know what you mean… whether it was a physical death or merely an emotional one… it still feels the same to be left with a lot of burning regret & unanswered questions. “It gets better in time” “time heals all wounds” and other such platitudes aren’t very helpful when you are feeling a pang of what is described in your post… but they are still true. The pain may revisit from time to time, but always keep it in perspective and let it drive you in a constructive direction… as I suspect it has done for you in many years past yet much more so in recent times. You are only human… as we all are. Let the bad times refine you and turn you into something purer instead of weighing you down in the middle of an emotional swamp. 😉