As I have traveled and told of my sordid ex-gay past (years trying to “de-gay” myself) and how it turned out to be ineffectual, unnecessary and even damaging, the polite question many have asked is, Why did you do it? I recently answered that question in the video, Reasons I Went Ex-Gay.
Inevitably someone finally asks the burning question, “So, like, in these programs did you guys hook up?” Ah, a question I can really sink my teeth into. Is there sex in ex-gay programs?
I cannot speak for all ex-gays or former ex-gays. There are many different types of programs and access that participants in these programs have to each other varies. Several people who have attended the Exodus International annual conference confessed to me that for some, in addition to the praise and worship, seminars on masturbation, and the convoluted chats about change, there was an awful lot of rolling around in the hay.
Some people come to ex-gay programs sexually naive. They never had sex in their lives and have little idea where they would even procure gay sex. That is until they walk into an ex-gay program where day after day they hear people talk about gay sex–what’s it like, where to get it, how good it felt during the act, how icky one might feel afterward (particularly if that one gets in trouble for it.)
I know of at least two guys from my Love in Action days who came into the program virgins and successfully graduated many months later armed with so much information about cruising spots and anonymous sex protocol that once they left off being ex-gay, they plunged into a gay sex fest that lasted months if not years.
They learned their lessons well. Sadly those lessons insisted that gay men were driven by dysfunctional, sinful, compulsive desires and lesbians had a penchant for unhealthy emotionally enmeshed relationships. It takes years to detox from that misinformation.
In this video I answer the question many have have asked as I talk about SEX as an ex-gay.
Want to experience more bizarre rules, church hookups and the dangers of bananas in an ex-gay program? Get the Homo No Mo DVD!
Also take a look at Carol Boltz’ recent post Ex-Gay Therapy–They Make you Straight Enough to Sleep with a Woman, Long Enough to Break Her Heart.