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Archive for the ‘comedy’ Category

What’s worse than crabs in your crotch? Demon possession in your pubic area. This week Zack and I go where few gay male podcasters have gone before. (You will have to listen to the podcast for it to all make sense. Let’s just say, this is the scene they left out of The Vagina Monologues.)

Okay now the proper show notes:

She graced the pages of Glamour magazine. She stunned the nation on Good Morning America. She helped launch a movement (Beyond Ex-Gay) and NOW she is our guest on Queer and Queerer! Zack and I welcome Christine Bakke to the program. Christine is an artist, an activist, and an outspoken ex-gay survivor. As a lesbian who once tried to suppress and change her orientation, she now speaks out passionately about the dangers of treatments that try to “de-gay” you. She joins us to talk about the Prop 8 ruling, its implications for the Ex-Gay Survivor movement, exorcism, demon nests, and activist art!

Remember, send us your questions for episode 20! You can ask us ANYTHING.

The Queer and Queerer Podcast!

Listen to this week’s episode:

// Here’s some more information about what we talked about this week:

» Read the Prop 8 decision findings of fact in detail.

» The Slate Political Gabfest discusses the Prop 8 ruling.

» Meet Ryan Kendall, Ex-Gay Survivor and Prop 8 witness

» Details magazine looks at gay exorcism

» The APA’s Report on Reparative Therapy

» Be careful not to fall out of your RV!

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A few months ago I posted a series of Twitter/Facebook/Blog status updates that I compiled into a blog post entitled Jesus Loves You! But I’ve heard rumors… I figured that would be the end of it, but about two weeks later I got inspired again and began another round of Jesus Loves You! updates. Since the first round, John Henson, the brilliant Welsh minister and author of Good as New–A Radical Retelling of the Scriptures, has become a Facebook friend. (Do buy his book–it is stunning) He spiced up the daily updates with his own analysis on Jesus. Lots of lively commenting ensued from loads of different people including Deborah, Fredrick, Brett, Tania, Eddie, Susanne, Rabbi Nina, Jean–well loads of people. I also got tons of affirmation from Friends when I attended Quaker gatherings this summer. So many lurk in the Light. 😛

Like the first set this one brought out all sorts of Facebook friends who I rarely see. Some of the Jesus Loves You! updates really struck a chord, got people laughing, thinking, remembering, connecting. There is a move afoot to print some onto mug. Personally I think some would be perfect on a thong.

I purposely choose phrases that are ambiguous or have multiple meanings to let the readers decide what it all means for them. For me many of them serve as commentary to how Jesus is marketed by some churches–Jesus the product. There is also one Wizard of Oz reference there that confused a lot of people (which speaks to what an old gay guy I am that now people don’t get Oz references.) See if you can spot it. Some also speak to the challenges many of us have faced with the Christian faith as it has been taught and practiced and the double-standards we experienced. Some are just fun with no deep abiding meaning that I can extrapolate. I sometimes just like playing with words.

Check ’em out. Which is your favorite? What do they mean to you? Have some of your own you want to add?

Jesus Loves You!

  • Jesus Loves You! No purchase necessary to enter. Employees and families are not eligible. Void where prohibited by law.
  • Jesus Loves You! Side effects may include dizziness, exaggerated feelings of depression or elation, changes in sex drive & impotence.
  • Jesus Loves You! Yet you worry, that in spite of all you tell yourself (and all you’ve done) you still look fat in those jeans.
  • Jesus Loves You! Unconditionally. Well, kinda.
  • Jesus Loves You! He arrives at your door a battered beast seeking shelter, refuge.
  • Jesus Loves You! But he doesn’t like to brag about it.
  • Jesus Loves You! But he works weekends.
  • Jesus Loves You! But look out for the in-laws!
  • Jesus Loves You! Most scholars now agree that he looks nothing like his current Facebook profile photo.
  • Jesus Loves You! But he gets kinda weird when you start asking lots of questions.
  • Jesus Loves You! He loves you not. He loves you. He loves you not…
  • Jesus Loves You! With extra strength cleansing power! Those tough sin stains don’t stand a chance. Now in lavender or lemon-scented blood.
  • Jesus Loves You! Although he does live in an exclusive gated community & only let’s the ‘right’ people in.
  • Jesus Loves You! Christ Update 4.0 bulked up w/ new spiritual security enhancements & now compatible w/ Buddhist & Pagan operating systems.
  • Jesus Loves You! Behold the Lamb of God! (Yeah, he’s into that whole furry scene)
  • Jesus Loves You! Have seen this Savior? Last spotted in Roman-occupied Palestine circa 33 AD.
  • Jesus Loves You! You are truly lovely and extraordinarily worthy of love and then more love.
  • Jesus Loves You! Consider the lilies of the field before an ecological nightmare annihilates them!
  • Jesus Loves You! He ascended up to heaven & seated himself at his Father’s right hand, thus ending a 33 year custody battle.
  • Jesus Loves You! The exact whereabouts of the Savior is still unclear. Sources close to Jesus claim he mutated, became air-born & went viral.
  • Jesus Loves You! Why look ye for the living among the dead? He was forcibly removed from the planet 2000 yrs ago by his Father’s henchangels
  • Jesus Loves You! Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.
  • Jesus Loves You! First Crusade Cola© then Inquisition Fruit Punch® and now Jesus Lite Energy Elixir™–fullness of life w/ 75% less wrath!
  • Jesus Loves You! “I am the Vine; you are the branches.” An invasive specie of global proportions.
  • Jesus Loves You! Purveyor of loaves & fishes since 33 AD. “Our cod is an awesome cod!”
  • Jesus Loves You! Do not fear the monster lurking under your bed or the one living in your heart.

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Since our trip to Sweden, Marvin has not quite been the same. I was unaware of all the big changes going on in his life until about two weeks ago when we met up for lunch. Turns out he burst forth some good news to share with me, but he made me promise to be quiet about it until he was ready to say it in his own words. As so often happens with Marvin, good news becomes, well, not bad, but not quite good either.

See for yourself and give Marvin some comments to help him on his journey.

Oh, and I retired Homo No Mo just in time! Now you can see, Straight to Heaven, an ex-gay parody in musical form that was presented at the GCN–Gay Christian Network Conference 2007. Hilarious!

hat tip to Ex-Gay Watch

Oh, and it gets better. Here is a clever little video of a Jewish gay guy coming out straight to his mother. She doesn’t take it very well.

Hat tip to Good As You

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In the Love in Action ex-gay residentatl program, Friday night was movie night. Yeah, we got to see one movie a week in the form of a video (they didn’t have a DVD—it was over 10 years ago). In the following YouTube video I reveal the secrets behind watching films in the Big House. Find out what’s in, what’s out, and why Biblical films were banned!

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Marvin Under Attack

Just when you thought it was safe to browse YouTube, Marvin strikes again. I should never have gotten him that video camera for Christmas. He keeps sending me files to edit and post for him (he is still skittish about the Internet ever since his whole demonic virus hard-drive meltdown.

In his latest installment he informs us that he is under demonic attack as a result of his recent holiday, um Holy Day message. To make matters worse, he tries to be sensitive this year towards his parents and buys them the “perfect gift” for Hanukkah.

He asked me to tell you that he is willing to take on your questions about faith, morality, demons or even his own life. In his own words, “I’m an open book.” God help us all.

Marvin Bloom Under Attack!

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A Very Marvin Christmas

Some of you know Marvin Bloom very well. He was an audio blogger here for several months and shared his own special mix of wisdom and passive aggressiveness. He has been hiding out for over a year, but has made a special appearance for Christmas. Really no words can properly describe the madness and sincerity of Marvin. You will just have to experience it yourself. Of course I told him I would share all messages that you have with him. He will not venture onto the web himself ever since an unfortunate incident with a demonic virus that he downloaded onto his hard drive. But that is another story.

For your enjoyment–A Very Marvin Christmas:

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Day of the Demons

Well that is the sort of way we used to refer to Halloween during my Pentecostal Christian days. (Although growing up and gorging on candy, I felt like hurling demons.)

In Memphis lots of the conservative family churches held “Harvest Parties” on Halloween for fear of giving the devil a foothold if the kids got too ghoulish. And I am sure some of you have heard of the Hell House craze blazing across the US scaring the snot out of kids in hopes of bringing them to Christ.

But my FAVORITE Halloween story comes from fellow ex-gay survivor, Christine Bakke as it appeared in Glamour Magazine.

She recalls the church group her parents joined in Oregon, where instead of Halloween celebrations they held an annual Hallelujah Party with kids dressing as their favorite Bible characters. (Even at 11 she had a nonconformist streak: “All the girls wanted to be Mary,” she says, laughing. “I went as a leper!”)

I just e-mailed her to see if she had any of those torn and dirty rags to lend me this year.She replied,

we would be such an awesome halloween couple – you as lazarus me as a leper, both removing our rags….

perhaps we could do some kind of interpretive dance around this? 😉

(photo from Kung Fu Mike)

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Art by Quakers fills my life today. Some months ago Robert Batson, a member of Hartford Friends Meeting (aka Quaker), exhibited some of his work at the meeting house. The art captured my attention, and I purchased piece. Today I brought home the 18″x24″ Untitled painting by Robert. I love the colors and the use of space and the emotions, some contrary, that piece expresses to me. (click on it for larger view)
Then after meeting we had our monthly potluck lunch where I met a visitor, a retired high school art teacher. Sadly I did not catch his name, but he offered to draw something on my journal cover. He created this dove.
Finally while sitting with Jamie Taylor, a Friend from meeting, we chatted about literature and art (and a thousand other things. A PhD candidate doing research in public policy and homelessness, Jamie embraces many interests–poetry, meditation, social justice issues, dynamics of relationships, etc. So we converse broadly)

As we talked about art and the strange fit for the artist in the Quaker community, I doodled something I have titled Quacker Worship. I think Alex in Sweden inspired me as he attended a Quaker retreat near Stockholm this weekend (note the colors).
Quaker Art–a strange fit. As a performance artist working in comedy, I find that presenting to a Quaker audiences fills me with anxiety and concerns that I rarely experience in other venues. Some Friends enjoy and “get” what I do, but I regularly meet Quakers who do not (and tell me so as they offer their critiques, suggestions and sources of offense). I find that some Quakers offend easily. Some focus so much on words that they miss the point. I do take some of what they say seriously and consider it to see if it speaks to me (usually it does not).

Art for me comes from a place of worship–it serves as worship infused with messages. It is ministry (and yes I still shrink from that word but begin to accept it). I do occasionally speak in meeting (vocal ministry). But my art is my worship and includes more than words.

At the Ex-Gay Survivors Conference Christine Bakke organized an art show, created collages of the ex-gay experience and currently curates our on-line gallery. Seeing the impact of that art on those who have viewed it reminds me that people need more than vocal ministry. In fact, vocal ministry can get stuck in the head (and we Quakers can be a heady bunch). Words get clogged and can miss the mark, but art–visual, musical, performance, dance, film–can bypass the filters and get to a deeper place in us.

Often an audience member tells me they feel moved by one of my shows, but they do not fully understand why. They sometimes hear messages that I never utter or script. Art wedded with Spirit aids our abilities to grow, heal, feel challenged and find hope.

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I am sitting in the office of Courage UK with Jeremy Marks plowing through the score of e-mails he has to answer after being out of the office for the day. Many not the same sort of deluge that Exodus gets daily (see Fuzzy Ex-Gay Math), but it keeps Jeremy busy.

He just read me a wonderfully hilarious article from NewsBiscuit, a UK version of The Onion

Homosexual turns straight after ‘good talking to’ from father

A young man has publicly announced his intention to become heterosexual despite having been openly gay for several years. Adam Denver said the decision came after a ‘serious bit of lecturing’ from his father. ‘He just sat me down and gave it to me straight. No-one likes a poof, Son,’ recounted Adam; ‘Once he put it like that, I suddenly saw the light

Read the rest for yourself; it’s loads of fun.

My flight to London last night went smoothly. I flew Virgin Atlantic. Always wanted to do so, but alas I was not impressed. The vegan meal was insipid. The service was so-so. I have to say their entertainment system outshines anything I have ever seen. Tons of movies, TV programs and muisc to choose from, all self directed with the ability to pause, fast forward and rewind. As it was only a 5.5 hour flight and I had to sleep, I did not partake in the wonders of it.

Today I hang out with Jeremy and then over to Waterloo Station to meet up with Michael, my host. Tomorrow I meet up with a friend from Scotland, then I head over to the offices of Greenbelt to talk about this summer’s festival, then hopefully I grab a coffee with James Alison, if we can get our schedules to match up.

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Okay gang, I have some video for you. First is a clip from when Steven Fales and I appeared on the Trya Banks Show.
(Note: if you ever appear on a daytime TV program, NEVER tell them that you had an exorcism or other extreme momentary experience. They will focus so much on that they they could actually miss the point.)

Ex-Gay Watch links to a video ad for Exeter International, a thinly veiled parody.

There is a good reason I don’t watch myself perform on video–it is scary and I may never perform again. Am I really this bizarre??? Peggy Senger Parsons caught some video of Vlad in the act during my recent presentation of my one-man (multi-character comedy) The Re-Education of George W. Bush. The question is, when I make a complete fool of myself, will my friends ever tell me??? Peggy writes,

Vlad presented an interpretive dance to a hidden Condaleeza Rice in the audience. Vlad’s goal was to entice Condi to run for president and re-instate Russia as the United States favorite enemy. Apparently -they’ve missed us.

Seeing this I realize it is time for a diet and exercise–I think I have had far too much sweet brown rice this past few weeks (see video here of my current food loop)

And this just in (well uploaded) Christine Bakke (still glowing from her recent appearance on Good Morning America–view clip here) and I met up in NYC yesterday and here is video to prove it. We have fun with the word lesbian. You can say it too, go ahead, try it!

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