Leading and Choosing

People often ask me,

“How did you come up with the idea to write a play about transgender Bible characters?” “Why do you do it?”

Reflecting on my own journey around transgender issues and in getting to know people with transgender histories, I recall that the first time I remember hearing about transgender people was back in 1977. I was in 7th grade watching one of my favorite TV programs at the time, The Jeffersons. Network TV in the 70’s seems so much more progressive and willing to take on controversial issues than we have seen in recent years.

In this particular episode George Jefferson gets a message to meet up with an old Navy buddy only to discover that Eddie, that wakcy guy always full of pranks is now Edie, a beautiful, well-dressed woman (who still likes to prank her buddy George). Hilarity and public education ensue. (See clips here.) The episode has some unnecessary silliness, but over all I walked away with a positive portrayal of a transgender woman who also happened to be Black.

Today in the Radical Quakerism for Rising Generations workshop I co-lead with Kody Hersh, we considered Prophetic Witness and Social Justice among Friends (a fancy way of saying allowing Spirit to get us off our asses in hopes of making the world a better place.) In addition to compiling a list of the many social justice issues for which Quakers are known and even lauded (abolition, anti-war, carbon footpring) we also looked at some Quaker failures (including the introduction of solitary confinement into the prison system, something which the American Friends Service Committee seeks to remedy today.)

In our discussion we considered how bringing about positive change takes time and often proves a messy process. We need to listen, reflect, consider, listen some more, make adjustments and be willing to admit our theories or practices need adjustments or even need to be chucked out altogether.

So much of social justice work and prophetic witness among Friends (and others) arises from having a  leading and a calling, which brings me back to the question above,

“How did you come up with the idea to write a play about transgender Bible characters?” “Why do you do it?”

I am not transgender myself, but I have felt drawn to trans people and deeply moved by their stories as I have gotten to know them first among Friends and then in the broader queer community at conferences and through the Internet.

Among The Religious Society of Friends we oftentalk about having a “leading” to do something. You might be  minding your own business, living life while styaing open, when suddenly you feel a tug, an interest, a growing concern that becomes a passion, a calling and before you know it, you act.  You beome engaged and stay engaged in a work to bring about social justice and change. This work may shape your life and the lives of others for years to come.

Recently I struggled to explain to  young trangender guy and National Gay and Lesbian Taskforce organizer , Trystan Angel Reesse, why I do the play I do. Trystan, who also has experience in the theater listened to me as I attempted define what eluded me. Finally he suggested,

Maybe you didn’t choose to write and perform this play. Maybe the play chose you.

For artists this often happens.  Some idea,  concept, image, character or theme calls to us–chooses us. Perhaps prophetic witness and social justice work happens this way too. The message, the cause, the need calls to us, captures our attention, fills our minds, our hearts, our time until it becomes a part of us and to NOT act seems unatural.

Even so, we can and do get it wrong. I routinely approach transgender people I know and trust to find out from them where they think I get it wrong.

• Do I misrepresent the issues with my words?
• Do I overly simplify the transgender experience?
• Do I leave unsaid something that you feel needs to be stressed?

As I have written before, part of being an ally requires listening twined with a stubborn resiliancy for when we get it wrong. One recent example of this came after I attended two different workshops on Intersex issues. Listening to the experiences of intersex individuals and the complexity of the over 40 intersex conditions,  I have decided to rewrite a line about intersexuality in my play Queer 101–Now I Know My gAy,B,Cs.

In the lunch line the other day, an older Quaker woman asked about the workshop Kody and I are  co-leading. I explained that one of our goals is to help these young Friend in the process of integrating Quakerism into their adult lives. She replied,

Oh, that’s easy, just live a life led by the Spirit.

Hmm, easy, just like that! One can live an adventure of trust and growth and service and love as we listen and learn and allow ourselves to be led to some very unexpected and often rewarding places. (Oh, and sometime we will get it wrong).

One Quaker and the Bible

Ah, today was the rest day at the Friends General Conference, a week of wacky Quakers. Since we had no activities planned for the afternoon, I slept and then read some Doris Lessing and then walked to downtown Blacksburg, VA and purchased blueberries from the Farmers Market.

Today in the workshop I co-lead with Kody Hersh (aka Super Quaker Lad) our topic for the high school and young adult participants was Quakers and the Bible. Many modern liberal Friends know very little about the Bible, particularly the young people, and some carry decidedly negative assumptions and opinions about it. We discussed these in a worship sharing context and then I walked them through a Bibliodrama, so that they could experience a passage of the Bible firsthand.

In reflecting on the Bible, one high school student shared the following about his first childhood encounter with the Bible.

At my yearly meeting one year I found a children’s bible and I was drawn to it, not because it was spiritual, but because it had stories of violence in it. My parents  were not big on giving me stories on conflict, so I was really excited that there was this Bible that had people fighting and killing each other.
-Scott, Iowa Yearly Meeting (WI)

Growing Concerns

I write from the Friends General Conference, the gathering of liberal Quakers in North America, which meets this week in Blacksburg, Virgina at VA Tech. In addition to co-leading a workshop with Kody Hersh, I plan on attending as many talks and worship sessions as possible.

Yesterday I heard ‘Ben’ Pink Dandelion speak on Quaking with Confidence. He believes Friends have every reason to be confident and to share what we have with others. Our good news is that we have a practice, silent worship, and a confidence, that we can each individually as well as corporately, get guidance from the divine, God, the Light (whatever word you may use). We have the confidence that in our mostly silent worship, something happens–we change, we grow, we connect, we become better people, more aware, more engaged with the world.  Good news indeed.

I also attended the worship hosted by the Friends for Lesbian, Gay,  Bisexual, Transgender and Queer Concerns (the FLGBTQC–or as one Friend talk me, the Flibbity Gibbits). This group has met since the early 70’s, plenty of the original members still take part, and have developed a deep, centered worship time that at each FGC gathering meets for an hour each day from 4:30-5:30, much of that in silent listening and waiting.

Years ago when I first began performing my Homo No Mo play (availible at Quaker books I briefly dated a Lutheran pastor very involved in a group called Lutherans Concerned. Not knowing the first thing about most LGBT faith groups, I still remember the moment in his car when I turned to him to asked, “Yes, but what are you all concerned about?” “Oh about LGBT issues,” he explained, athough he may have thought I was joking.

It’s a really great name “Lutherans Concerned.” I have since run into other LGBTQ faith groups with general sounding names where it is not apparent immediately what they do. There is Evangelicals Concerned, the Human Rights Campaign and in the UK they have Changing Attitudes.

What I like most about these names is that they don’t tie us down to ONE issue. Sure these groups focus on LGBT issues (more GL–in that order–and to a much lesser degree BT) but who’s to say that Lutherans can’t be and aren’t concerned about something else like homelessness (as the very queer trans Lutheran minister Megan Rohrer is) or that Evangelicals cannot be concerned about prison reform, assylum seekers and immigrants or the environment.

Among the queer Quakers of the FLGBTQC I know that many individuals carry leadings and burdens to do all sorts of work that do not directly affect LGBTQ people. John Calvi, aka my queer Quaker Daddy, who I wrote about recently, has been very active in the anti-torture movement. Many of the people I know from this group have one if not several issues for which they have felt leadings to do more, to organize, to get involved.

In the US where I live there is a constant fight for LGBTQ rights with some genuine advances and setbacks. After the mulitple failings of ENDA two years ago and the introduction of a new and improved Employment Non-Discrimination Act that now INCLUDES gender-expression/identity, LGB(T) groups have a chance to express active concern for transgender people. (Check out the Transgender Law Center to see how you can get involved).

As we gain more rights and security for LGBTQ people in the US, when and how do we look beyond ourselves to concerns in the wider world? These individual callings and burdens that we have–literacy, clean water, health care, elder rights and care, etc–when and how do the organizations we belong to grow in such a way to take on one ore more of these concerns?

Where Everyone KnowsYour Name (thanks to name tags)

I write from I-81 South about to cross the PA border into Maryland enroute to the Friends General Conference (FGC) in Virginia, the annual gathering of a bunch of North American Quakers. I travel with Johanna & Kody–birthright Friends (born into Quaker homes, while I am considered a convinced Friend, born non-Quaker but later convinced that I felt most at home among Friends). Kody and I will co-lead a workshop called Radical Quakerism for a Rising Generation 18. High School age to early 20 somethings Friends will join us to consider how to integrate Quakerism into their adult lives (and IF they actually wish to do so).

I also will hang with the large and diverse queer Quaker group–the FLGBTQC.

The FGC event is a little like going to Narnia, an altetnate reality where they do folk dancing, discuss global warming and sit around quietly waiting for something to happen, or not.
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Since Kody is also vegan and I stopped at an Amish farm stand earlier today, we have some kick-butt snacks.

Do you have any favorite roadtrip snacks?

Photos 4 Little Bird

Looking at Dunluce Ruins

Cary, aka Little Bird, joined Glen and me for several of our jaunts in Northern Ireland. She maintains a blog, Little Bird, and is an absolute delight for conversation, knocking about, profound insights and a good laugh. Powered by coffee and her iPhone, she is a force of nature and a true fashionista of her own ilk.

Cary is also part of the Ikon Community along with Pádraig Ó TuamaA,  Peter Rollins, Amy, Shirley, Mark, Ian and others who showed Glen and me a gorgeous time.

I take few photos of people, but the camera LOVES Cary. When I uploaded my photos I found a ton with her in them.

Below are some photos of our recent wanderings around Northern Ireland. Thanks Cary for being such a fab travel companion and for coming to my talk at Queens!

Our 1980's Christian Band Cover (with Mark)

Cary & Mark

How Lovely are the feet...

Looking towards Scotland

Arm of Glen

Glen in the Mist

Cary Marching to Causeway

Detail at Giants Causeway

Detail Giants Causeway

Glen & his leprechaun

Cary & Cair Paravel inspiration

On the way to the Causeway

Cary at Dunluce

Cary & Pádraig

Cary, come back to Facebook soon! When you do, you will enjoy updates like,

Jesus Loves You! Just be aware that he has enjoyed the services of at least one sex worker.

Quote from Kate, Photos 4 Sheria

Last night Glen and I watched the 1968 movie classic Lion in Winter, based on the play of the same name which premiered on Broadway in 1966. So many memorable quotes from this grand drama of a royal dysfunctional family! Katherine Hepburn as Eleanor of Aquitaine exudes  bitchiness and wisdom as she breezes through each scene with her dry drawl.

In one scene the three sons squabble, well this happens in most scenes. Phillip pulls a knife on his brother John. The dialogue bristles with snark and insight.

Prince John: A knife! He’s got a knife!

Eleanor: Of course he has a knife, he always has a knife, we all have knives! It’s 1183 and we’re barbarians!

How clear we make it. Oh, my piglets, we are the origins of war: not history’s forces, nor the times, nor justice, nor the lack of it, nor causes, nor religions, nor ideas, nor kinds of government, nor any other thing. We are the killers. We breed wars. We carry it like syphilis inside. Dead bodies rot in field and stream because the living ones are rotten. For the love of God, can’t we love one another just a little – that’s how peace begins. We have so much to love each other for. We have such possibilities, my children. We could change the world.

As a Quaker I adore Eleanor’s lines. The Religious Society of Friends has long maintained a Peace Testimony, yet we are not without our own attitude. As I often remark during my presentation,

We are Quaker. We don’t get violent, just passive aggressive.

I’ll share another quote below. But first, I have some pictures to share with Sheria from SA. (Soon I will have some for Cary in Ireland!).  I am sure Sheria won’t mind if you take a look too. My laptop is ill, so I had a ton of photos from the last half of my UK/Europe trip that I never posted. I recently bought an incredibly light and inexpensive Acer netbook and have just loaded up some pictures. So here goes:

Trevor's house & garden

Pretty & Pungent

Chestnut tree detail

Festive Tulips

Midsummer performance

Cotswold stone wall

Southampton Quaker's Garden

Peak District stream

Flower by Peak District stream

Glen & Mark at Giants Causeway

Glen on Southern Welsh Coast

And this photo of the dishy Glen Retief reminds me of a quote from Lion in Winter (a favorite I share with my Seattle friend Jane–Holding you in the Light today as you attend your conference!) Speaking of her wanderlust and love of travel, she remarks

Eleanor: I even made poor Louis take me on Crusade. How’s that for blasphemy. I dressed my maids as Amazons and rode bare-breasted halfway to Damascus. Louis had a seizure and I damn near died of windburn… but the troops were dazzled.

Join Me in Pittsburgh!

July 16-18 I will be in Pittsburgh for the Metropolitan Church Region 3

Peterson about to Transfigure

and 5 Conference.

In addition to performing Transfigurations–Transgressing Gender in the Bible, my play about gender-variant and transgender Bible characters, I will also offer a workshop.

Homo No Mo?!? Orientation Gender and the Ex-Gay Movement will provide participants to take part in a workshop that helps unearth the reasons why some people choose to de-gay themselves. In addition to looking at taboos around sexuality in a heterosexist culture, we will delve into the role that gender and more importantly gender norms ties into the Ex-Gay Movement. (How does changing the oil in my car make me a proper male? Am I gay if I opt for Jiffy Lube???). In the presentation I will do excerpts from Doin’ Time in the Homo No Mo Halfway House–How I Survived the Ex-Gay Movement and will read an excerpt of my memoir (which I just began writing last month!)

While I am in the Pittsburgh-area I would love to meet up with groups of folks–Quakers, transgender people, gay Christian, ex-gay survivors, bloggers. Please consider coming to the conference and then we can figure a way to hang out.

The organizers are still working out the schedule, but I wanted to give folks a heads-up. If you are interested, let me know.

Breaking Through the Walls of Fear and Guilt

Recently at Beyond Ex-Gay we received the following e-mail:

Although I have been out for many years and have had a relationship for 13 years, I have always had this inner guilt due to my religious beliefs and what the bible says. All this time I thought I had to leave by faith behind and deny with much anger God - and that hurts just as much too. I know longer want to do that - I guess you could say I am searching for answers. I am glad you have had this information on the Internet because, I have recently renewed my faith and have thoughts about going through one of these “healing” programs to be right with God – although inside I believe I am the way God made me.

I am confused still, and so torn.

Could someone help me find the answers I am looking for so I don’t feel the pain and guilt?

I post my response below:

Reading what you write about the confusion and the pain you have felt reminds me of my own struggle now 10 years ago when I first acknowledged that I was gay and that I could not change that (even though I tried mightily for 17 years). People told me over and over, “You can’t be gay & Christian!” So when I first came out, I assumed I could not be Christian any longer.

For a time I aspired to be atheist. Turns out I was a rubbish atheist, always praying and thinking about God. That led me to have a heart to heart with God. So many toxic thoughts filled my mind, much fear, guilt and dread that I was doing something so horrible in accepting that I was gay. This had nothing to do with sex or a relationship, but simply the act of accepting my orientation.

That fear can so cloud the mind. It was difficult to discern if it was really the Holy Spirit convicting me or if I was getting battered by many years of sermons and teachings pointing me in a particular direction. Then I remembered, “God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind.” God doesn’t lead by fear. Fear led me astray. Fear led me to go to war with my own body and mind. Fear caused me to go down a path that nearly destroyed my faith as I begged and badgered God to fix me, heal me, change me, contain me. I spent years coveting my straight neighbor’s life.

I didn’t trust lots of people at this time–gay or straight. I figured everyone had their own agendas and I needed to find answers for myself–just me and God. Over the years I did eventually find some books that help–Peter Gomes, The Good Book and Christian de la Huerta’s Coming out Spiritually. More so I benefited from reading history, particularly the history of the Bible and how it was used and misused through the years. I learned about the early church from Elaine Pagels. I also read the poetry of Walt Whitman, a revelation both spiritually and physically.

I also began to meet people, sincere Christians who also happen to be gay or lesbian. I got to know them and see their lives and recognize God in them, the fruit of the Spirit, and have fellowship.

In the end I discovered that I can be a person passionately in love with Jesus, serving God and still have a gay orientation. I can be authentic about myself, even if much of the church seems to disagree. In the process I rediscovered the scriptures for myself, found myself in them and a deeper faith.

It is not easy. Many trials, many doubts and the journey has required a certain fearlessness in the face of LOUD opposition, particularly rattling in my head from years of hearing it in the church. But when I get to the heart, when I get to the Spirit, when I sit still in the presence of God, I have peace and clarity. The ruts in my head that led me to places that continually condemned me and harassed me have leveled out.

My mind grows more and more liberated each day as I practice Romans 12:1,2–No longer conform to the patterns of this world (Patterns that say one must be gender-normative, heterosexual, and if you are not there must be something wrong with you and you will encounter troubles. Patterns that say that masculinity is more valuable than femininity. Patterns that insist that one must bow and scrape to the teachings of men instead of the leadings of God), but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you can better understand God’s will for you life.

Steve Biko once say,

The most potent weapon of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed.”

A liberated mind brings peace, clarity and action.

Alive in Philly

My body arrived back in the USA in NYC on Monday night; my soul finally caught up to it in Philadelphia sometime last night.

I don’t know about you, but sleep serves as a vital time to process and sort, particularly as I dream. After much air travel, several days at the Philadelphia Transgender Health Conference, and a bout of chest-binding-induced stomach gas, my sleeping life filled with images of yellow and blue life jackets, broccolli, and vulvas. I don’t assign any meaning to these images. I let my mind sort and file as I enjoy the show.

I plan on spending more time blogging later this weekend. Far too much cool stuff happening to keep me on-line right now. Ah and the brilliant, beautiful people!

Jesus Loves YOU! but I am still in Sweden

Some of you know that I have been doing a series of Twitter/Facebook/WordPress updates that begin with the statement Jesus Loves You! and then then ends with an additional statement adding some texture, light or confusion to the original statement. If you are a Facebook friend, you can see the many comments that get generated by these statements. In about two weeks I will post them all here as a single blog entry.

Many of the statements have double or even triple meanings, some quite obscure, others painfully obvious. They serve as commentaries about church, Christian history, pop culture and personal reflection. Everyone has their favorite. A friend told me last night that his personal favorite so far is: Jesus Loves You! Take Note exchange of body fluids may apply. Another popular one is Jesus Loves you! But he adores Madonna.

One of the recent ones that I put up that got lots of attention is

Jesus Loves You! Now in new rainbow flavors!

As I prepare for my last day in Stockholm, (which will include worship at the Quaker Meeting House and lunch with a bunch of young trans/queer activists) I am thinking about my latest installment of Jesus Loves You! I think I know which one I will choose today from the many I have compiled in my notebook. (oh, the many I will never post!)

As I have been privileged to be in many lovely homes, well cared for, well fed, I suddenly remember my trip to Malta last year and my dear brother Mario (aka Vashti) and his work among asylum seekers who brave the waters to leave various countries in Africa to in hopes of refuge in Europe (one in five survive the journey). Many of these end up in detention centers and halfway houses waiting waiting waiting.

Mario took me to one of these halfway houses where we had lunch and met with some of the men there (they often are segregated by sex). Mario explained that there is so much need, and how there are people in Malta who visit these asylum seekers and walk among them to communicate that in spite of all of the political and social opposition leveled against these Africans seeking home and refuge, there are people who know that they are there. People care and are trying to do something to help. You are not alone. You are not forgotten.

Which reminds me,

Jesus Loves You! I hear he is sick and in prison.