Carol Boltz has been through a lot over the past several years. Well established as a married woman with adult children out of the house and grandchildren soon to hit the scene, her husband, Ray, broke the news to her (and then the rest of the family) that he is gay. The depression that had crushed him for some time afflicted him in large part because he lived with the reality that he could no longer hide.
Carol then did something amazing. Yes, she hurt, she felt confused, angry, all the things that one might expect a straight spouse to go through upon learning of her partner’s gay orientation. But then she looked for information. She looked to connect with others. She needed answers.
I first met Carol when she responded to a post about straight spouses that I had on this blog. We have since become friends and met in person on a number of occasions at ex-gay survivor events.
To make matters even more complicated, Carol’s husband Ray Boltz, is a public figure, a well-known contemporary Christian singer. After they privately worked through the many challenges and questions they faced over his coming out, their separation and divorce, they recently had to go through much of it again when Ray came out publicly. (You can hear one of his new songs here.) This has outraged some of his most ardent fans, while it has delighted many gay Christians. Carol has gotten caught in the crossfire.
Recently Carol launched her own blog, My Heart Goes Out… Please take a moment to visit the blog and share with Carol a word of support, a word of encouragement, a word of affirmation. She is a courageous and beautiful woman.
I love your blog and am so glad to have discovered you! You reminded me of my own experience in the “ex-gay” world, which I’ve just started blogging about. Thanks so much!
[…] tip: Peterson Toscano. Even though Carol is my Facebook friend, I’m embarrassed to say I didn’t know about her blog.] For […]
Thank you for this information. I pretty much grew up on Ray Boltz music, and I’m happy to hear that Carol is able to talk about this issue, and even is a voice within the LGBT Community.
As amazing as it was for Ray Boltz to come out, Carol Boltz’ perspective is a particularly under-represented one, making her voice all the more valuable. Thanks for this link.
[…] activist Mike Ensley is busy insulting gay Christian singer Ray Boltz, former ex-gay Peterson Toscano points to a much more graceful and life-affirming attitude by Boltz’s ex-wife, Carol […]
Why is it that its OK to completely ignore scripture when we want to justify behavior. This is not a gay issue it’s a sin issue. We know that sin is sin and we are not to embrace it. We are to flee from it. There is no way to water down sin. Circling the wagons with like minded individuals just means your in agreement with flagrant sinners. We cannot confuse God’s love with his clearly defined warning about our behaviour. When the Spirit of the living God is in us by choice you cannot have darkness which is the opposite of light. Grieving the loss of something or someone is not the same as grieving the Spirit. We have the freedom to do anything we want in life but in the end you reap what you sow. Feelings and emotions have to line up with the Word of God. If they don’t you have to change your thoughts or actions immediately. We don’t get a pass because everybody’s doing it. This life is rehearsal and we usually have plenty of time to grow and get are hearts right with God. There are no guarantees accept what Jesus told us about what we need to do to have a relationship with God. This does not include knowingly sinning daily and justifying our behaviours based on restlessness and feelings. Sin is sin and knowingly and willingly participating in it ends in death. The kind of death known as total separation from God. Moses did everything God asked of him just not exactly how God told him. In the end Moses was not.allowed to enter the promised land and wandered in the desert until his death. If moses was punished for his disobedience how much more punishment do you think you and I deserve. I wish I could take the word justification out of the english language.